What Is a Family Constellation? A Plain-Language Guide

A family constellation is a method created by Bert Hellinger which examines the relationships and events that occur in a family system. Symbols or objects correspond to family members, and patterns which are not easily described can be displayed in space. It provides an opportunity to identify what you might be bringing into your family from your family.

Likely you have heard that term and wondered what it means. Is there anyone who plays your mother? Do you have to talk about your whole childhood? Is it a therapy, a ritual or a sort of theatre? Fair questions. The title alone doesn't tell much, so here is the simple version.

A simple way to picture it

Consider your family as a system similar to a mobile in a ceiling. If you touch any object, the others move. A job loss, an early death, a secret, a child who was adopted out, a move across the world; events like these impact a family, sometimes for generations. The ripples' inhabitants might not know where they came from.

Those relationships are embodied in a family constellation. Rather than writing a word description of your family, you put people (or symbols that represent them) in a room and see how they sit. Who is close. Who is far away. Who is turned away. No one appears to be missing at all.

A lot of times you can tell from the arrangement what a long explanation would tell, and sometimes you can't.

Where family constellations come from

It was created by Bert Hellinger, a German author and former priest that also did psychoanalysis training. He observed over the years what happened when a group stood up in the place of members of another family and reported feeling something or sensing something that matched the story of the family they were standing in for, even if they didn't have any knowledge of the family.

Hellinger identified several patterns that he noticed were occurring repeatedly in his work: a need to belong, a balance of giving and receiving, and the need of each person to have a place in the family. Today, these are the ideas for most facilitators, but in a variety of different ways. Family Constellations are also a subject of differing opinions and research into the method is still limited so should be approached with a spirit of curiosity and not a set outcome.

How a family constellation works

Every facilitator has a personal style, but a session usually follows a similar shape.

In a group

One person at a time brings a question or situation. The facilitator asks a few short questions about the family, usually nothing like a full history. Names, dates and basic facts are enough: who is in the family, who has died, what major events happened.

Person selects participants from the group to stand in for family members and puts them in the room. When the representatives have settled, they keep their voice low and listen to the sensations that arise in their bodies. Facilitator observes the big picture and might offer a minor intervention (e.g., a simple movement, an addition of a person, a brief sensation of a sentence).

All other participants in the room observe. Often people who have seen other people's constellations find themselves moved equally by the work of others and by their own – so group workshops can help you determine if this is work you're called to do. You can see upcoming constellation workshops to learn what a group day looks like.

In an individual session

When there is no group, the work is done one-on-one. The facilitator may use floor markers, small figures or objects on a table to stand in for the people involved. You still look at the same kind of picture, just at a smaller scale and at a quieter pace. Some people prefer this because it feels more private, and it can also be done by video.

Curious whether a session would suit you? You can read more about Family Constellations counselling in Toronto or book a free 15-minute call to ask questions first.

What people bring to a constellation

You do not need a dramatic family story to try this. People come with all kinds of questions. Some of the most common are:

• A relationship pattern that keeps repeating, such as the same kind of partner or the same conflict with a boss

• Grief that has never quite settled, including losses that happened before the person was born

• A strained relationship with a parent, sibling or child

• A feeling of not belonging, or of carrying something heavy that does not seem to be theirs

• A big life decision where family loyalty pulls in one direction and personal wishes pull in another

Often the question is not very clear at the start. That is fine. Many people just say they feel stuck and are not sure why.

What a constellation is not

Clear rules are of great assistance. While a family constellation is not a diagnosis, it also cannot replace medical treatment and/or mental health treatment. It won't tell you what to do and no one can guarantee an outcome. People get their own take-outs. Some are relieved, some sad, some just have a sense of clarity that comes in a quiet way and is more difficult to put into words.

Please consult your GP or mental health professional if you are experiencing severe symptoms or are in crisis. Constellation work can be used as a support and a good facilitator will be glad that you have it.

What it may feel like

The work is gentle in pace but it can stir strong feelings. People describe warmth in the chest, a heaviness in the stomach, tears, sudden calm, or nothing much at all until hours later. All of these are normal. There is no right way to respond, and you are always free to stay quiet, step back or decide not to take part.

This is partly why the body matters so much in the work. Many of the things a constellation brings up are felt before they are understood. Facilitators who also work with somatic approaches tend to pay close attention to those physical signals, since they often point to what is most alive in the room.

Try this: a short body check-in

You can get a small taste of the attention involved at home. It takes about two minutes.

Sit somewhere comfortable and let your feet rest on the floor. Bring to mind one person in your family, without trying to analyse anything. Then notice, with curiosity, what changes in your body. Maybe your breath shifts. Maybe your shoulders tighten or soften. You do not need to fix or interpret anything. Just notice, then let the thought go and take a few slower breaths.

If anything feels too strong, open your eyes, look around the room and press your feet into the floor. It is always fine to stop.

Who it may suit

Family constellations may be a good fit if you are interested in how your family history shapes your life, if you like approaches that go beyond talking, or if you have been curious about the work and want to see it for yourself. It may be less suitable if you are in the middle of an acute crisis, and in that case it is worth talking to a professional before deciding.

There is no need to commit to anything up front. Many people start with a short conversation, or by attending a group as an observer.

Frequently asked questions

Do I need to know a lot about my family history?

Typically the basic facts are sufficient such as the members of the family, major events such as deaths, separation or move. Many people have gaps and unknowns in their stories and can work with these without remediation.

Do I have to take part in a group?

No. Constellations can be done in individual sessions using floor markers or small figures. Some start in a workshop and then go on to a 1 on 1 session, and others start with a 1 on 1 session and then attend a workshop.

Can a family constellation be done online?

Yes. Objects, drawings or on-screen markers can be used instead of persons in a room for video sessions. Many people find that it is comfortable, but some people prefer to be in the same space.

Is a family constellation the same as therapy?

Not exactly. It's a counselling method concerning family relationships and patterns. It is not a medical intervention, and should not be used as a substitute for treatment from a doctor or registered mental health practitioner when required.

How many sessions will I need?

It varies. For some, one session is sufficient to make them think about it, others return over time. A first step is a brief discussion about your hopes and dreams.

Taking the next step

If this has made you curious, you are welcome to ask questions before deciding anything. Petr offers sessions in person in Toronto and by video anywhere in Ontario, and you can read about Family Constellations counselling in Toronto or look at the upcoming constellation workshops.

If this resonates, book a free 15-minute call or phone 416-731-4106.

About the author

Petr Pulchart is a Registered Massage Therapist, somatic coach and Family Constellations facilitator in Toronto. He works in person and by video across Ontario. Learn more about Petr.